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Up until last night everything was great, I was perfectly happy. But last night my happiness collapsed. Last night it felt like my whole world had collapsed. Or rather, it was destroyed by my husband.

Our marriage is seven years old. Two children: my ten-year-old daughter from my first marriage and our mutual three-year-old son. My husband was a good, caring father to both children, treating my daughter like his own. And he was a very good husband. We never fought, only very rarely there were small, harmless quarrels.

And yesterday we had a conflict. The conversation was about whether my daughter could be allowed to go to the campground with our acquaintances and their children. I was for it, he was against it. It ended with me reminding him that he had no parental rights over her. We had a big fight, and my husband hit me (or pushed me, I don’t know how to say it exactly) in the shoulder, and I fell down. He looked at me with an absent expression for a couple of seconds and quickly went out for a smoke (he didn’t even help me up).

And yesterday we had a conflict. The conversation was about whether my daughter could be allowed to go to the campground with our acquaintances and their children. I was for it, he was against it. It ended with me reminding him that he had no parental rights over her. We had a big fight, and my husband hit me (or pushed me, I don’t know how to say it exactly) in the shoulder, and I fell down. He looked at me with an absent expression for a couple of seconds and quickly went out for a smoke (he didn’t even help me up).

I grabbed the essentials in a minute, ran out into the yard, quickly put the kids in the car, and drove away. I took my daughter to her mother, and left my son with me. I stopped at my sister’s, got the keys to the apartment she didn’t live in, and drove there.

My husband started calling right away – I hadn’t even had time to leave the village yet. I didn’t answer. The text messages were pouring in. He looked for me at my parents, at his parents, and at other relatives and acquaintances. At night, after putting my son to bed and regaining consciousness, I started to read the sms: he asked for forgiveness, he repents very deeply, he is horrified by what he has done, he doesn’t understand how it happened, he is very ashamed, he hates himself for this, it will never happen again. He asks me to come back, he is ready to make it up to me on any terms, in any way I want.

I didn’t go to work today, and I didn’t take my son to day care. My husband was at the day care center and at my work this morning. My sister didn’t tell him I was coming here, but I guess he guessed and came looking for me. He knew about the apartment, but he didn’t know the address, he only knew roughly the area of town. And now he found my car, which I had left near the house. The alarm went off, I (as if I felt it!) cautiously looked out – there he was standing near the car. Turned off the alarm. He had been sitting in the car for two hours.

I tried to keep it short, but it’s still a lot of letters. I have always misunderstood and despised women who live with men who beat them. And now I was in that situation myself. I have always believed that if something like that happens, then that’s it, immediately break up, without conversation, without options. And yesterday I was in that mood. And today I’m already hesitating. I love my husband and I am sure that he loves me and loves the kids. I can’t imagine my life without him. But I can’t live with him now after what he did. What to do? Do I just throw it all away? Or forgive, relying on his promises that it will never happen again? Or if he raised his hand once, is that an indication that that’s it, wait for it to continue?

What would you do if you were me? What would you advise me to do? I only told my mother and my sister about what happened (I was very ashamed to tell them). My mother advised me to break up, my sister advised me to forgive.

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Comments to: What to do if your husband raised his hand against you?
  • 07/22/2021

    I agree with yanina.

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  • 07/25/2021

    Of course, beating a known weak and defenseless person is not the right thing to do. But one can also understand the man: he raises someone else’s child (genuinely cares about him, judging by the story, not for a tick), and they spit in his eyes that he is “not the father and has no rights. I’m not excusing your husband, but judging by his behavior after this unpleasant act, he is sincerely remorseful, and you have made a big deal out of it.

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