Love at a distance

My husband and I met four years ago, when I was temporarily staying with relatives in another city. Our relationship started quickly, after three months he asked me to marry him, but then he delayed the exact date of the wedding, he did not say anything to his relatives and friends about the engagement. In the end, the wedding took place almost secretly, despite the fact that I wanted a big ceremony with a white wedding dress…

When I moved in with him, the first problems started. A year later he went “on a business trip” to another city, leaving me alone for six months under the pretext of “I have to finish the school year, and then you’ll move in with me. But I couldn’t move in with him.

When I moved in with him, the first problems started. A year later he went “on a business trip” to another city, leaving me alone for six months under the pretext of “I have to finish the school year, and then you’ll move in with me. But I couldn’t move in with him.

It is practically impossible to maintain a long-distance relationship for a long time, quarrels began and he suggested we break up. But he kept paying for our rented apartment.

I sobbed and calmed down. Two months later he came back-just came over for dinner. We sat and talked, like old friends. At the end, when he was already leaving, he hugged me and told me that he still loved me.

As of this evening, we’re kind of back together again. But nothing has really changed: he still lives there, and I’m still here. In the winter I went to see him for two weeks, we had a fight, he left me again, saying that he didn’t believe in my love and faithfulness.

I cried again and eventually calmed down. Two months later I got a letter from him saying he wanted to talk. I replied that I didn’t want to see him and that if he wanted to, he could email me. He didn’t answer anything, but then I got a call from him early in the morning – his brother was in the hospital and he asked me to come over. I didn’t understand why I had to do that: his whole family was there, his relatives who thought we had split up – how would I look in their eyes, what would I say? No, he says, come, I feel bad and need your support.

I arrived. He hung around my neck, crying his eyes out, saying that he loved me, that we should try to restore our relationship. I refused at first, realizing that all these words were spoken on emotion, but then I gradually believed them. Apparently, I just wanted to believe that everything would be okay.

Everything was fine, but not the way I would have liked it to be. And not for very long. We talked to him almost every day, and he laid down his love and gave me gifts. But he was in no hurry to come see me, always finding excuses. Then he came, bought tickets for me to move in with him for the summer and for us to try to move in together again. Two weeks after we lived together, he told me that he was wrong, that nothing would work out between us. That then, with his brother, he just had a difficult situation and I almost took advantage of it!

And all this a week before my session. As a result, I didn’t pass the session on my nerves. I was crying my eyes out, and he never called me, apologized, asked me how I was doing, and disappeared for good.

I understand that it was my own fault, that I shouldn’t have trusted him, that it was all an emotion, and he only needed me when he felt bad. But it still hurts – I love him.

I date other guys, I go on dates, but I can’t change. I keep waiting to see if he’ll come to his senses and come back. I can’t help it. And I don’t know how to go on.