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I will tell you a real life story about a difficult family relationship. Irina lived with her husband Victor for 11 years. He is a very peculiar man. With unusual views on life, on health. His first wife lost a child in childbirth, such a misfortune. She had, as I understood, some serious illness, the doctors advised her not to give birth at all. But they really wanted children, they took a risk – and as a result the baby was born sick and died right away, they could not save it. I don’t know the details, Victor didn’t like to talk about it.

But as a result of this story, he hated official medicine, all doctors indiscriminately. He repeated that they were “murderers in white coats,” they had ruined his son, they had almost killed him on purpose. Maybe it was really the doctors’ fault, I don’t know.

Victor soon separated from his wife (I don’t know why), but he retained his hatred for medics. He never went to the clinic, but he treated himself only with folk remedies or with some psychics. He converted Irishka to this faith as well. He was older, she was then 24, he was 35, and she literally looked into his mouth, loved him very much, listened to him. She also stopped going to doctors, even when she fell off her bicycle a month after the wedding – her husband did not let her go to the hospital, he treated her himself at home with some decoctions and lotions. She had suffered a severe head injury and was literally unable to get up, and all her relatives and friends urged her to at least have an X-ray taken. But that time everything turned out all right.

Victor soon separated from his wife (I don’t know why), but he retained his hatred for medics. He never went to the clinic, but he treated himself only with folk remedies or with some psychics. He converted Irishka to this faith as well. He was older, she was then 24, he was 35, and she literally looked into his mouth, loved him very much, listened to him. She also stopped going to doctors, even when she fell off her bicycle a month after the wedding – her husband did not let her go to the hospital, he treated her himself at home with some decoctions and lotions. She had suffered a severe head injury and was literally unable to get up, and all her relatives and friends urged her to at least have an X-ray taken. But that time everything turned out all right.

A year later, Ira became pregnant. She was very happy, she was just worried that her husband would not allow her to be seen at the clinic, and she was a little scared. It was her first pregnancy after all. Victor categorically forbade her to go to the doctor, to get registered. Her relatives were shocked and tried to persuade Ira to go to the clinic secretly from her husband, but she flatly refused. She did not want to upset her lover, who has this kind of thing. She had boundless faith that he would not give her bad advice.

Her mother called me in tears, asking me to influence her friend. I tried, but it was no use. Then Ira’s mother tried to convince Victor herself, talking about all kinds of dangers, pregnancy pathologies. It ended in a terrible fight. Victor yelled at my mother-in-law, was rude, called her “a retarded fool, full of prejudices. He said that the doctors were the main danger, and if a woman wanted to save her pregnancy and give birth normally, she had to stay away from them, otherwise they would kill her and the baby.

He said he would give birth in her home with the help of some “spiritual midwife” he knew, who had a lot of experience. He said that only “old whores who have slept with everyone and picked up a lot of diseases” needed to be seen at the clinic, and that a decent young healthy woman did not need someone “to get their dirty hands inside her” and prevent her from carrying her baby. He threatened to send his wife to another city to live with his family, away from “bad counselors.

Ira cried afterwards, asking me not to interfere. And we couldn’t drag her, tied up, to the counseling center. But Irina’s mother did not put up with it, continued quietly persuading her daughter to secretly see a doctor. Especially because the pregnancy was not going smoothly – unpleasant feelings, small bleedings bothered her. Victor gave her another round of herbs, took her to some psychic, who “gave her an energy treatment.

When Irina was four months pregnant, her husband went away for a week to visit her father, who was ill. Apparently, he brought him his herbs. As soon as he left, my mother almost fell on her knees in front of Ira and took her to a gynecologist she knew. The rest was like a nightmare. The doctor became alarmed, referred Ira for an urgent examination, and a few days later the doctors announced the diagnosis: a malignant tumor of the ovary, which against the background of pregnancy began to grow rapidly. Urgent surgery, removal of all female organs, and chemotherapy were needed. The tumor is small, the chances are good, you can live a long time, but it is out of the question to keep the pregnancy. And, of course, there will never be children again. But there is no time for children, we have to save Irishka’s life.

Words cannot express how desperate my friend and her family were. My mother screamed that she would “kill the bastard with her own hands,” blamed him for not going to the doctor earlier, for not getting examined. Ira didn’t say anything, didn’t blame anyone, just cried around the clock. Victor himself, to everyone’s surprise, did not forbid the operation and no longer dragged his wife to psychics. Apparently, he was afraid that he himself would be a widower – just not a man, but Bluebeard, who had killed a lot of wives and children. I have to be honest: it seems that he loved Ira then, he was very afraid that he was going to lose her. He comforted her, supported her.

The operation was done, the treatment was carried out, and my girlfriend, thank God, survived. She and Victor lived together as friends, she told me herself, that this terrible misfortune tied them tightly together. But my husband flatly refused to allow Ira to take in a foster child. She really wanted to, so she began to make inquiries-no doubt that Victor would approve. After all, they could not have their own children. But he suddenly turned out to be categorically against it, he said: if God did not let his children live both times, it was a sign that it was not his destiny to be a father. Or maybe it was his favorite psychics who whispered, I do not know. In general, they did not take the baby out of the orphanage, although Ira asked for it and was very worried.

That’s how the two of them lived. Irisha was often depressed, desperate, longing for her children. Before, she had been a skinny little inch, but over time she gained a lot of weight, weighing almost 85 kilograms for a small height. This was probably due to the hormonal medications she had to take all the time. Or maybe it was just the habit of “eating” her misfortunes. By the way, Victor never scolded her for being overweight; on the contrary, he always brought her sweets, cakes, and pies.

Everyone I knew said they were the perfect couple. They were happy for Ira – they said there were no children, but what a wonderful, loving husband. But last week the “perfect husband” suddenly announced that he was leaving her and filing for divorce. It turned out that he had been having an affair with a 25-year-old girl from work for a long time, and she was now pregnant. Victor in his 46 years literally dazed by the future of fatherhood, intends to immediately marry his mistress, just glowing all over.

Ira was taken aback by his statement. She cried, begged him not to leave her, and said bad words about this girl. Victor started screaming that he was “in this house like a prison,” that he had been suffering all his life, he had lost two children, and now Ira wanted to deprive him of the joy of finally becoming a father. He called her a “fat, barren cow,” said her looks disgusted him. And that they would be divorced right away, since there were no children. He packed his things and left. To a young, beautiful, slender, healthy, and pregnant woman. He left for a new happy life.

Ira is hysterical, in shock. I don’t know how to comfort her, what words to find. How to distract her, how to support her. I try to spend more time with her, because I am her only close friend. Mom also feels sorry for her, but all the time she says: “I warned you that he is a scoundrel, so it turned out that way. It’s important for her to confirm that she’s right, but it only hurts Irishka more. She curses her husband, hates him, and then calls him five minutes later to persuade him to return. He no longer picks up the phone.

She does not go to church; there is no comfort there. She’s only 35 years old, but she doesn’t know how to go on living, there’s no meaning in her life, there’s no support.

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