I am a sinner, it is very hard for me to write, much less speak. I have committed a very great sin in my life and here is my confession.
I have a good friend Allochka, we are the same age, we were inseparable friends, we went to school together, we went for walks together. At the age of 15 Allochka started dating a guy from the capital, there was a stormy affair, which ended with her getting pregnant. After she told Sasha (that was her boyfriend’s name), he was happy and went home with a promise to come back. Of course, no one doubted that he was not coming back, and Alla knew it too, so she behaved normally, did not get hysterical and did not try to look for him.
It must be said that Allochka’s parents took her situation as normal and looked forward to the birth of their child. She gave birth to her son Stasik in due time, and six months later her fiancé arrived, with his things, because his parents kicked him out. He was 19 and his bride was underage, with a baby in her arms… Alla’s parents accepted him as one of their own, married him, and began to live happily ever after.
It must be said that Allochka’s parents took her situation as normal and looked forward to the birth of their child. She gave birth to her son Stasik in due time, and six months later her fiancé arrived, with his things, because his parents kicked him out. He was 19 and his bride was underage, with a baby in her arms… Alla’s parents accepted him as one of their own, married him, and began to live happily ever after.
When Staska was 5 years old, Sasha’s parents came and took them to their megalopolis. Allochka and I kept in touch all the time, we went to the sea a couple of times, they lived very well with Sasha, tried to have another baby, but it didn’t work out, and they didn’t try again.
Sasha died in 2004 – he drowned in the river, where they were together as a family. After Sasha’s funeral, Allochka and I did not communicate, she withdrew, we exchanged only banal holiday greetings.
As for me, I have never been married at the age of 40. There were fleeting relationships, 10 years ago I was pregnant, but there was a premature birth, the baby could not be saved… I was depressed, and then I decided that there would be no more happiness.
In November 2010, in the evening the phone rang in my apartment. When I picked up the phone, I heard the excited voice of a guy: “Good evening, Aunt Tanya, this is Stasik, Alla’s son, Mom is in intensive care, come immediately! Tears rolled down my cheeks, I grabbed my traveling bag and threw in her essentials and rushed to the station. By lunchtime I was in the capital, I texted Stasik where to go, and he texted me the address of the apartment where they lived. I took a cab and drove. I got out of the car, I took a firm step towards the entrance, but the door opened abruptly and a tall, plump young man jumped out to meet me. I apologized and walked on, but he called out to me: “Aunt Tanya, it’s me, Stasik!” I couldn’t believe my eyes. We went upstairs, he told me Allochka’s appendix burst, got infected, they barely saved her. In the evening we went to see her together, but they wouldn’t let us in. After arguing with the doctors we walked home, I was very curious about Stasik. I learned that he is a programmer, that he loves to walk in the woods, that he is allergic to chocolate. Once inside the apartment, after eating dinner (Stasik is a divine cook), he told me:
– Auntie Tanya, I have to work tomorrow morning, so you figure it out on your own, make yourself at home.
– Are you working yet?
– So I’m soon to be 26!
The next day, I was doing chores around the house. All in all, I spent almost a month and a half as a guest. While Alla was in the hospital, in the first two weeks I realized, as an old cat, that I had fallen in love with Stasik up to my eyeballs. I avoided looking at him directly, but one evening, when I came home from work, Stasik took me by the arms and said:
– Stop hiding your eyes, I can’t take it anymore.
I will say that afterwards we lived as husband and wife. When Alla was discharged, I couldn’t… it wasn’t that I couldn’t, I didn’t have the conscience to continue living with her. I went home, claiming I was busy.
At home, she dove under the covers and roared like a beluga. God, why, because I had waited all my life for a man like that, how could I go on? You can’t think about him, why ruin a boy’s life? A month later Alla called, saying that something was going on with my son. Maybe he is in love, but with whom, because I have never seen the girl with him. I could not answer anything, I said that I did not feel well.
The reason for my ill health turned out to be staggering – pregnancy, the baby, of course, Stas. I roared, I wanted to die, and Stas called me as soon as he felt it. I burst into tears, informed him about the pregnancy, told him not to worry, I would have an abortion, to which I heard: “I’ll give you an abortion, I’ll be there soon!”
He arrived a week later, with his things, transferred for work. I tried to convince him to leave, why he needed me to be so old and my mother’s friend, but he wouldn’t listen. We got married, he told his mother, and she was tactfully silent.
Alla didn’t call, didn’t figure things out, I didn’t feel comfortable. I called her, but she didn’t want to talk to me. Our son Danechka was born, and this year Stasik and Danechka went to his mother to show her our grandson. After they left, Alla texted me: “You have a good son, you love him very much, but I’ll see how you feel when he marries a woman who is old enough to be his mother!” I called her, but her phone was disconnected.
The next day we were told that Alla had hanged herself in her own home. She had not survived the betrayal from me, from her best friend! My heart hurts, forgive me my sin…
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