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Summer is coming to an end and very soon I will have to go back to school. I’m a third-year student at a famous university in Kiev and I’m studying to be a programmer. Or rather, I thought I was studying, but in fact… But first things first.

I joined this horrible faculty because my boyfriend and I wanted to go there. We had been dating since ninth grade, but we broke up a year ago. And now I have no reason at all why I should study here. I understand perfectly well, that I am no programmer, I don’t like this profession and I certainly won’t be able to do it all my life. Despite the fact that the salaries and working conditions of IT-specialists are the envy of those who have never programmed, I know that I will have to work hard and a lot.

I joined this horrible faculty because my boyfriend and I wanted to go there. We had been dating since ninth grade, but we broke up a year ago. And now I have no reason at all why I should study here. I understand perfectly well, that I am no programmer, I don’t like this profession and I certainly won’t be able to do it all my life. Despite the fact that the salaries and working conditions of IT-specialists are the envy of those who have never programmed, I know that I will have to work hard and a lot.

If before my boyfriend helped me with writing practical papers, which I didn’t see anything wrong with, now I have to smile at other guys to get them to take me to a working group to work on a project and do things for me that I should do myself, but I don’t know how to do. Since we don’t have many girls studying and I’m pretty good-looking, there’s no problem with assistants, but I feel ashamed and very uncomfortable about having to make a deal with my own conscience. I am sure that a girl should be an independent person, make money with her mind or hands, but not with her smiles and deep cleavage. But in practice, in life, it turns out quite differently. And I don’t know how to get out of this vicious circle.

Looking for another university will not work, as my family has no money for the contract (I am currently studying on a budget), and to enroll again for free I am unlikely to be able to. Yes, and I’m not ready, frankly, to all this upheaval in connection with a change of university, not ready to start from scratch. But I also do not see special prospects for graduation.

I can’t tell my friends or even more so my classmates about it, but I would like to hear the opinion of experienced people who have long graduated from university and have faced similar situations in practice. What awaits me? What should I do?

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Comments to: Confessions of a Future Programmer
  • 07/19/2021

    Why don’t you get someone to help you figure it out? Sometimes we just think – I can’t do it, I won’t be able to do it, without even trying to figure it out, even though I am far from programmers, but I think it is still not mathematics, where you need some talent, the main thing is to try, not to be lazy, the more so the salaries are good, as you said yourself, it seems to me worth the additional study, but definitely learn it in practice from someone who is good at it. And you have to work hard and hard everywhere if you want to “grow”.

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  • 07/19/2021

    Actually, programming is almost always about math, and it’s just as complex. You need a special kind of mind, some kind of “nerdiness” and perseverance. Perhaps that is why there are very few female programmers – the reality of an IT specialist is too different from the image and lifestyle of a glamorous girl shown in magazines and soap operas.

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  • 07/22/2021

    Author, what you are experiencing is called a 3rd year crisis. And this condition is experienced by most of the students in the middle of their studies. It seems as if the good half is over, motivation has changed, study seems more and more difficult, fatigue has accumulated + personal dramas = thoughts of “is it worth continuing to study another half or leave”, This state was with me, my girlfriend, other classmates, when we were studying. Since you said yourself, there is no possibility to go somewhere else, no money, so it is necessary to finish studying. Maybe a “second breath” will open up. Maybe you are used to being helped by your boyfriend, so you did not use your brain to its full potential. But there is a brain 🙂 And you can turn it on 🙂 You can not ask the guys to do it for you, but ask to explain, help, direct, take the helm 🙂 Will they refuse? Then your conscience will be at peace too. After all, somehow you got up to 3rd year, studied that YOU, even if your boyfriend did something for you, but not all, right? And it also helps to fight academic boredom hobby, perhaps even within the walls of the university. So my classmate sang beautifully (now a small star in Moscow), she studied badly, but they could not expel her and all that – she really is a talent, she brought the first places to the university 🙂 You will succeed. Life always consists of choices.

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