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Here I am 16 years old. I am in love, and it is mutual. We walk along the streets, kiss, admire the flowers and the sun. The whole world seems to be happy with us. One problem – my dear Ruslan is going to enter a higher education institution in another city, where he has relatives. But while we are in school, it seems that it is still so far away.

The graduation party rang out. I’ll never forget saying goodbye to Ruslan on the station platform. He left and entered a military school perfectly. Our romance went on for four years in letters. Four stacks of letters for each year are still kept in my house. Sometimes he would come on vacation and we would wander the beautiful happy streets again and be sure that we would be together forever. Because of our youth and shortsightedness, we both did not understand that for a future together we needed to do something together, not just write letters and wander the streets.

The graduation party rang out. I’ll never forget saying goodbye to Ruslan on the station platform. He left and entered a military school perfectly. Our romance went on for four years in letters. Four stacks of letters for each year are still kept in my house. Sometimes he would come on vacation and we would wander the beautiful happy streets again and be sure that we would be together forever. Because of our youth and shortsightedness, we both did not understand that for a future together we needed to do something together, not just write letters and wander the streets.

Ruslan was studying, and I didn’t think about anything, I was also studying in my town, and at the same time I got a job as an educator. I made friends. I became more and more attached to certain circumstances.

Four years flew by quickly. Suddenly, all of a sudden, without even a prior letter, Ruslan arrived. He came with a diploma and a referral for further service in the Moscow region. He ran to me joyfully with the words: “Get ready, we have three days for the training camp. We sign our names and leave together.

I was taken aback and confused. I had friends here, an institute, a job. And all of this I have to leave in three days. I loved Ruslan very much, but I couldn’t break away from everything that tied me to my city. I said that I would let him go alone for now, and that I would at least finish college, and then I would come and visit him. He was upset, but he agreed. And again it was goodbye at the train station, I thought for a while, but it turned out to be forever.

My beloved served only six months in the suburbs and was sent for further service in one of the hot spots where there was combat action. Since then no one knows anything about him for 15 years.

Ruslan, if you are alive and reading this, please call me back. I’ll be happy if you’re just alive.

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Comments to: To Ruslan from Oksana
  • 07/26/2021

    Oksana, I sincerely sympathize with you for what happened in your life. I wish you had heard from this man. Maybe you should go to the program “Wait for me”? We all have our own misfortunes… But don’t think you’ve passed over your happiness or are guilty of anything. No one knows how your life would have turned out if you had gone with Ruslan. It’s not easy to live with a military man, especially one who has fought. I know what I am saying as my father is a military man. My mother had to leave her career as a teacher and follow my father around the outposts when I was one year old, my father went to fight in Afghanistan, he was shell-shocked. And it affected his psyche for the rest of his life. Dad told me recently that if you are at war (in a hot spot) and you have to kill people, live in constant tension, you start to feel adrenaline. The adrenaline level is so high that the body gets used to it. And when a person comes back from war, he experiences anxiety, the need for adrenaline. And where does one get it from? Straight to depression. Dad even wanted to go back to war again after he got back. Maybe life itself kept you from crying too much.

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  • 08/24/2021

    To FILE: Adrenaline is everywhere, let him skydive, join the agencies or the Ministry of Emergency Situations, become a firefighter. And don’t get me started on the concussion. It’s not the end of the world.

    Oksana: I don’t understand, who did you love more than Ruslan or yourself in your hometown? You can work anywhere, but you can study by correspondence. You didn’t graduate from medical school!

    Bravado like “Ruslan, if you’re alive, call me back…” doesn’t work. We would have found him if we wanted to.

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