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My name is Agniya and I am 30 years old. I want to tell a story in which perhaps some readers will recognize their problem.

I was born into a middle-class family. We lived in a small town. My father worked as an engineer and my mother taught economics. But I, a naive provincial girl, dreamed all my early life of a big city, where life was bustling day and night.

When I was 17, I graduated from high school with a gold medal, packed my bags and left to conquer the capital. My parents didn’t try to hold me back, seeing my potential.

I got into the university at the first attempt (I chose the department of economics). I studied day and night, slept for several hours, passed my exams by myself. And at the age of 22 I graduated with honors.

I got into the university at the first attempt (I chose the department of economics). I studied day and night, slept for several hours, passed my exams by myself. And at the age of 22 I graduated with honors.

It’s hard to describe how lucky I was then. I, a simple girl with no money and no residence permit, was offered a job at a company that cooperated with the university.

Thus began real city life. I was making good money, after a while I was able to buy an apartment and a car. In addition, during vacations, I went abroad (most often to America and Western Europe).

So eight years of my life passed imperceptibly. By the time I was 30, I was already an established woman with a stable income and good looks. But all this time I was haunted by one problem: my personal life. Yes, it was difficult. In my hometown I did not think about it, devoting all my time to my studies. In the capital I spent all my time on work. Yes, there were a few romances, but they ended in failure.

One day, after a hard day’s work, I wanted to have some fun. I rarely allow myself to go to clubs, but then my nerves just gave out. By then it had been over a year since the last breakup.

So, I went to the club. The noise, the shouting, the talking, the music-it took my mind off things. I submitted to the rhythm of the people around me and forgot about everything. Suddenly my eyes stopped on a man of about 35-40 years old. He was tall, dark-haired, blue-eyed (in short, my ideal man). But the main thing was that he was staring at me, apparently not the least bit embarrassed by the fact that I had noticed him.

We looked at each other for a few minutes, and then he left. I turned toward the bar in frustration. But suddenly, there was… Yes, there he was.

– Good evening,” he said, staring at me defiantly from head to toe.

– Not kind at all,” I answered irritably, but the stranger wasn’t about to give up.

– Andrei,” he introduced himself and was silent waiting for an answer.

– Agniya,” I said briefly. For a moment, I felt like he was pulling me toward him.

I don’t know what happened at the club, but an hour later we were at his house. Maybe someone will judge me, but I missed male attention at the time. That night was the best night of my life. I felt a strong attraction to a complete stranger. We didn’t fall asleep until dawn.

I woke up an hour later, quickly gathered my things, and after looking at the sleeping handsome man, I left. Why? I don’t know. But now, in the morning, it seemed so stupid.

I also continued to work for the company. No more than six months have passed since I met Andrei.

One day, I was summoned to his office by my boss. I was not sure what he wanted from me (the reports were long passed, the accounts were closed, the finances were counted), and I waddled into his office. The chief was in a positive mood. He explained that the company was gradually expanding and needed to increase the number of employees.

– Now the financial analyst Andrei Zh. will be working with you,” said the chief.

At that moment someone entered the office. I turned around to see who had entered, and froze in place. Standing in front of me was… It was Andrei from the club. I was stunned to the core, but he was even more surprised. Trying not to show it, I said:

– Pleased to meet you, my name is Agniya Viktorovna.

– Andrei Eduardovich, mutually,” he replied.

– Great,” said the chief. – You can go now. Agniya, show your colleague to his workplace.

I nodded and walked out, Andrew followed me out.

What I was afraid of happened. We were alone in the office, and he immediately came at me with questions. Why did I leave, why didn’t I leave my phone? But I was surprisingly resilient. I coldly threw something like, “It doesn’t mean anything. We’re just colleagues,” I showed him and told him all about the job, and left the office. Just like six months ago.

It’s been a few months. We are still working together.

You know what the worst part of this story is? I think I love him, but I’m very afraid of another failed romance. Because it’s so similar to all the previous ones…

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Comments to: One Night Story
  • 01/06/2021

    What is the essence of your fear of a possible failed relationship? Life in general is scary, at any moment a brick could fall on your head or your neighbor could turn out to be a maniac. I’m sure that by the age of 30 you know enough contraceptive methods not to be alone with a child (in the worst case, if the man is a rare jerk), and a broken heart always heals itself. I don’t think you can keep it safe by running from men, so why waste your energy and precious years of your life on it?

  • 07/20/2021

    There’s a saying: if you fight, you might lose. But if you don’t try to fight, you’ve already lost. I, too, had a very painful breakup by the time I was 30 because of uncertainty in my relationship with a “friend. He just ran away when I needed support and encouragement in a difficult life situation. It wasn’t pleasant to realize that. But my wedding is coming up with a co-worker and a very trustworthy and loyal person after a 2 -year relationship. Of course it was very scary to build them and plan something. But now the game was worth the candle! And I am finally a very happy and beloved bride! Don’t be afraid, most importantly ask yourself if this man is important and you need him?

  • 07/20/2021

    Look at it this way, and in 30 years, if you’re just as afraid to build a relationship, what will you have left? Loneliness. And if you like him, why not try to build a relationship? You have to put yourself in a positive frame of mind.

  • 07/22/2021

    Agniya, you would take and analyze why past romances were unsuccessful and all similar. What were your mistakes? Sometimes a person starts a new relationship, but the old mistakes carry over into it as well. And all because he acts according to a familiar pattern, a script that is written somewhere in the subcortex, but which if you want to change. You say you are afraid of a failed romance. Well, if the others started with a bed right away, then there is something to be afraid of. Usually, mental harmony between two people leads to physical fusion (for me only in marriage), but not always physical fusion leads to mental harmony between two people. But such sex can lead to strong emotional dependence. And it can be confused with love. If you hadn’t slept with this man, but met him also at work, by chance, might you have fallen in love with him then?

    You’ve spent your life working hard, working on and for yourself, to get what you have. Therefore, it seems to me, you are not ready to sacrifice it all or part of it just like that, because otherwise your own world that you have built up so diligently will shake. And any relationship implies certain sacrifices, the breaking of our selfish plans, our self-loving self. And that’s why you prepare so carefully for a relationship, afraid to get into trouble again. When you reconsider your values, life plans, be willing to sacrifice, analyze past mistakes, then the fear will go away, then relationships will be easier to build. Ask the question: why do you need a man (husband)? What are you willing to do for the sake of the relationship? What if you have to sacrifice your work? And so on. After all, you do not need a man as a complement to the apartment, car, decent job, to feel successful in full. You need a man in order to be needed, to love him.


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